you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
