In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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