Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
