he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
