I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
