someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
