At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
