I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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