yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
