I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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