Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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