dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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