last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
