There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
