somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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