I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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