it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
