I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
