I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
