There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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