Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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