She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
