just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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