she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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