Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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