Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
