I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
