We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
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Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.