I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer