this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How does it feel to date your dad?