Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole