there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it's great music for shaving your balls
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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