You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
