Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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