but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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