The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
