Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
