remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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