so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
