it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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