So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
