He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
