I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
