no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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