so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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