I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
