he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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