If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
