naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
