it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
