My cat gives me a boner
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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