DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
