we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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