So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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