I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
