Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
