She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
