Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
