Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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