She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
