bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
