Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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