fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
