well I can't set my house on fire every night
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
