I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
