I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
