i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
