No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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