I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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