Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
